Quarantine "Dating" Chronicles

Just in case someone has found this post 10 years from now and is asking what quarantine is, the year is 2020 and we are in the middle of a worldwide pandemic. The entire country has been on some form of lockdown for over 10 weeks with no toilet paper. It's wild times, or "unprecedented" as I keep hearing. I have little faith in dating apps in normal times, much less right now. No matter how bored I got stuck at home, there was no swiping on my part... except for in the last two weeks.

I don't like Taylor Swift. One of the reasons why is because her early content always revolved around calling out boys to the extent that it seemed she just dated for song writing reasons. The victim game got old and seemed an easy way to make herself look vulnerable, create buzz around her in the news, and help her fame. I don't care about being famous and I don't care what it says about me having time to share my awful experiences with men. If anything, I hope this provides some entertainment or relatability on some level for everyone. Maybe Taylor would be proud.

The first guy I started talking to seemed great. He was the type that wouldn't send a message shorter than 2 paragraphs, which I can appreciate. If you're invested in all that typing and opening up, you seem okay to me. We quickly talked about our dogs, where he had been in his life, his soccer scholarship, which speakeasy we'd go to on our first date, why 20s music is the best, etc etc. All in all we spent several hours a day for 4 days texting. I have certain questions that I ask to gauge the likelihood of my time being wasted. I asked if he was emotionally available... he said yes. I asked if he was looking for something serious... he said yes. I get attached quickly and that's why I don't casually date. If we're not on the same page, I can't move forward. I've wasted a lot of time with men who end up saying they're "not ready to commit." I got a super amazing vibe from this guy when he sent me a $25 Dunkin gift card since we couldn't go on a date yet. I thanked him profusely. The last night we spoke, I asked if he felt like his past relationship left any scars. He said no, but that he wasn't ready to commit to one person and that he was going to date around.

I think this would take anyone by surprise given the questions I had already asked him. I guess I left a loophole and he wasn't as honest with me as he should have been. I've discovered how important it is to ask direct questions to get the info you want, but even then, sometimes you end up lied to. I don't believe that you have to "get out there and see other people" in order to build a relationship. He actually apologized for being hurtful immediately after he said he wanted to date around, which just made me more upset. I hadn't expressed my feelings or reaction yet, so I thought it was arrogant of him to think he hurt me. I wasn't hurt, just frustrated that so many hours of conversing was wasted. At least I got free Dunkin'. Good luck to the next girls with that one. Especially since he made fun of my leopard coat relentlessly. I love this coat. Go screw yourself wildly, sir and I hope a leopard eats you.

The next guy wasn't as cool, but we vibed. We were able to carry a conversation decently well, although it did feel as though I was asking more questions and talking more than he was. He was consistent and was the first to message me each day for about 4 days... wow is 4 my lucky number? I didn't doubt his interest and just figured he was the calm, quiet type. He said he valued patience and understanding in a person the most when I asked about some personality traits he liked. I asked him if he was emotionally available and he said yes. I don't usually ask if someone's been married before because I don't really care as long as they said they're in a good emotional space, but he was 42 so I asked. He said he had been and asked me if I had ever been married. I said "That's funny, I struggle to even find dates." Then he asked me why I thought that was the case (are you my therapist?) and I just said it's how apps are nowadays, no one is down to commit. He agreed and said it was tough navigating current dating. Two nights later I asked him what some unattractive traits were in people and he said "pushy and inconsistent." I asked him to explain and he snapped and said he meant exactly what he said. I said "okay, well there's different situations for each thing. I don't consistently wake up at the same time everyday." He said he would think about a better explanation and get back to me.

The next day he asked me if I was busy at work, but didn't explain anything like he said he would so I kept it short and said "not quite." Silence. The following day he messages me and says he thought about trying to explain what he meant by pushy and inconsistent, but just realized that he was too caught up in his divorce and not ready to be out there again. Incredible how you can say you're emotionally available and also take two days to think about a simple question all to find out you're not actually ready. It's eternally frustrating to seek the truth from people to only be left in the dark, whether intentional or not. People need to do a better job of getting to know themselves and their needs so they don't hurt other people.

Then, I've had a few guys say "Things are opening again, let's go somewhere." I don't feel comfortable with this yet and I don't think there's a lot of options open yet for a date. So, in this trying time... I have to admit I'm not sure if I want to actually go on a date with someone or not. I still value getting to know people and communicating, as long as I know they're not gonna do a 180. But, I'll never be able to know that... no matter what screening questions I ask. I would easily talk to someone for a month before meeting up if they were forthcoming and patient. So many profiles say "not looking for a pen pal" though. Dating apps' biggest downfall is their forced jump into relationship status without getting to know one another. You truly can't win. I'll admit I don't like profiles when they say "Just looking to meet cool people and see what happens." Sounds like a waste of time or ploy for FWB. So then what on the opposing side... I match with someone, we meet, we go out 3 times, and then we're official without knowing anything about each other really? I never viewed myself as one for turning down more friends, but I'm not on the apps for friends either. It's all very strange.

These are my most recent crap experiences, but I have some crazy stories from men I've met in real life. Maybe we'll revisit those in a future post. Be good and if you can't be good, be careful.

xx Ashley